One of my favorite activities is sweeping things under the rug (figuratively speaking, as I never ever literally sweep). And see how well I can get away with it.
If you find a peanut butter spoon stuck to a blanket, wedged between two of my couch cushions, which will most definitely happen if (and every time) you enter my house, I’ll hand you a beer in order to steer your attention away from the blatant display of my (slobby) peanut butter addiction. Shoooooop – under the rug. Hope you like your beer.
Other instances that should most definitely get swept under the rug include, but are not limited to, the following:
1.) Giving someone a box of truffles as a gift, and then eating said box of truffles. That needs to get swept pronto…and to do so may require a 6 pack or a handle of vodka.
2.) Finding out your dog barfed on the rug, and pretending you weren’t the first person to find the evidence. This may not work out well if the people you live with tend to sweep things under the rug, too.
3.) Falling down three flights of icy stairs in front of any sort of spectator of any age/species. The best way to edit – – – > undo this, is to insult whomever witnessed the fall. Sometimes effective sweeping requires passive aggressive behavior.
4.) Burning the skin on your holiday turkey. Sweeping this under the rug will require many, many leaves of garnish and potentially a can of paint. Mostly because it would take too much time to insult every person at your holiday feast (see example #3).
5.) Passing out during shavasana at the end of yoga class and waking up to the sound of your own snoring. I’m not sure this one can be swept under the rug, or even under the yoga mat. But if you figure out how to, you’re a ninja.
6.) Breaking someone’s favorite coffee mug. That hurts. You’re going to have to hide every ounce of evidence and wipe that guilty look off your face. You may want to replace the mug with one of those ones stuffed with chocolate, wrapped in holiday cheer, but at no point in time should you admit to your accidental wrongdoing, because that would defeat the purpose of this whole conversation.
7.) Telling your boss the TPS report he’s been nagging you about is already ready already, when it’s not. Hiding this may require an office fire, but if you’re lucky an asteroid will fall directly onto your computer, and no one will be harmed in the process.
8.) Shoving the mess that is your room into your closet on top of the boxes you never got around to unpacking. Along these same lines, hiding kitchen counter clutter in your oven. Both of these acts are extrememly effective, and no one will ever find you out, ever. Unless your company turns on your oven and they go into your closet looking for a blanket to snuff out your flaming kitchen clutter.
Aside from sweeping things under the rug, I also love to backpedal on my sweep by fessing up to the very thing I’m trying to hide before I even hide it. I swear, this makes sense in my brain.
In this case, it’s the salad. I was going to hide the fact that this is the second salad I have posted this week by not writing anything about it. I was going to sweep it under the rug. But instead, I’m admitting to my would-be deception before you unwillingly detox on account of all the salad you’re definitely eating, since you definitely make my recipes like all the time, yup.
Okay, I feel relieved. Now that I know I don’t have to write a lie and we’re all on the same page – that yes, this is the second kale salad I have shown you in one week – we can be on our merry way.
If you’re on my site (which you are), you probably love vegetables. And if you love vegetables, you have probably heard of Kiersten from Oh My Veggies.
Recently, Kiersten started an offshoot of her blog, called Potluck. This is where vegetarian food bloggers (+1 flexitarian food blogger – that’s me!) come together and share their recipes. We’re building a veggie-filled community over there at potluck, and you should totally get in on the action.
Make the conscious choice to embrace kale twice in one week. May you not fall down stairs, eat someone else’s box of truffles, or set kitchen clutter on fire in the process.
Head over to Potluck at Oh My Veggies to check out my Roasted Butternut Squash Kale Salad with Orange-Sage Dressing .
I’ve laughed all the way reading your post, hilarious, and so many things are easy to relate to (like falling of the stairs…). Anyhow, this salad is just gorgeous and perfect for the season!
I’m going to need a gigantic rug to hide the mess that is my bedroom. Hmm, and here I thought I was the only one would walk past dog barf as if I never saw it. This salad looks delish.
Bring on the salads as far as I’m concerned! I need something to balance all the chocolate-cookie-cake-candy-butter-binge the holidays bring on. 🙂 That dressing sounds yummy! I was just thinking about how to add citrus to more salads.
Hilarious post and this salad sounds reallly good!
I love potluck! so excited to try this recipe. BTW I found a peanut butter spoon in my car. Not kidding! I thought of you.
Ha ha! It’s like you know I have a big butt bag of kale in my refrigerator that needs to be eaten. 🙂 Ok, ok. I get the point! Also, I learned from my grandmother a good housekeeping tip that she learned from our neighbor 50+ years ago. Always leave the vacuum cleaner out. That way, if someone comes over, they will think that they are interrupting your cleaning and not think twice about the dog puke on the carpet or the piles of cat fur in the corner (not that I have any of those, but just in case). Ha! So, that’s Momma Swope’s cleaning tip of the day. It’s also my only cleaning tip I ever have. I’m a crappy housekeeper, and I trained my daughter well to follow in my footsteps.
I woulda I me to think that I chose a tiny apartment specifically so that it is too small for many people to come visit me, thus cutting down on the number of people I have to potentially clean for. 😉
This is the most awesome post ever! Two salads in one week is A-ok with me. Plus, the first one didn’t really count, it was re-purposing Thanksgiving leftovers, which is totally in a category all its own. Butternut squash + kale + quinoa is totally my jam!
Whoa! Potluck sounds SO cool. I love the idea!!!
And this gorgeous salad! I am headed to check it all out now!